You Cut Yourself Off

January 23, 2010

THERE is a type of dude whose like the Michael Douglas character in Wall Street. But he’s not married to Zeta-Jones and he lives in Western Pennsylvania.

He’s the guy that cuts himself off in traffic.

I merged lanes in front of him about half an hour ago and he didn’t like that. He had his Boxer out today because it’s mostly sunny and 45 in suburban Puttsburgh. About a month into winter and this is as close a taste of spring as we get.

I follow the Tao as I drive, when possible, which results in my not getting hemmed up and cut off. No slamming of brakes or inflicting any of the above on other drivers.

But not everyone subscribes to this. Especially a bitch-ass that drives his Boxer around during the winter in Western Pa.

I noticed this guy as we both rolled south on 19. He was weaving in and out because he has a hot ride and a bottle of Viagra; I mean that’s my assumption after looking at him in my rear view mirror with his thining hair exposing a late middle age scalp. Hair held in place with gel or palmade. Douche

His brows furrowed as I made my move and his shitface disappeared from my side mirror as he pushed up inches from my bumper. He fell a few car lengths back as he downshifted and threw on his turn signal to make the left into the crossing lane, shaking his head no.

I responded by nodding yes.

He gives me the finger and I give it back and as he pulls up next to me, I raise a steady hand with outstretched fingers, pause and begin to shake it and smiled. He got really pissed at that and fell back as he made a one handed, knee steering shift, pulled a car length ahead and stopped in the lane holding up traffic. He gave me the finger again and held a fist up. I came to a stop and again gave him the finger and stretched my fingers and trembeled. His next move was laughable as he pointed at his Carrera sunglass covered eyes and then at me. I guess that means he’ll be looking for me. I really hope he finds me so that I can go live on UStream and save a really great video.

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