ShopNBC Manages to Sink Lower Than Ed Hardy Watches

September 14, 2010

WHEN ShopNBC started carrying Ed Hardy watches, I thought the network buyers and brass couldn’t sink any lower with the cheesey, cornball Chinese made shit… they surprise me. They are now carrying Steinhausen! Yes, the originator of fake European provenance for completely Chinese mechanical watches now rubs elbows with the stable of ShopNBC brands like Invicta and Renato. Before Stuhrling Original, Akribos, and Riedenschild made up a European lineage to go with a logo slapped on a mass produced Millionsmart mechanical, Steinhausen pioneered it. Depending on the model, it was either billed as a replica of a watch that was made in in 1925 or 1929. When it’s a multi-function, it always was “the most expensive and rare model in the world at the time” – a total crock of shit. They usually had a full-page ad in National Geographic.

While my knowledge has been questioned by such esteemed experts as Jim “I only sell the watches” Skelton, I’ll let the facts speak for themselves.


> Steinhausen

I urge you, the reader, to check out the MillionSmart product catalog, especially the pages and pages of ‘rare’ tourbillions’. Don’t fall for the lies.

13 Responses to “ShopNBC Manages to Sink Lower Than Ed Hardy Watches”

  1. krane11367 Says:

    Up next at ShopNBC: The on-air flea market, featuring top brands like Swiss Idea, Mark IV, and whatever else fit on the truck.

    Used pants too!


  2. betterskills Says:

    Ha, ha, ha. They really are going the Ames route and we all know where that road ended. I’m waiting for them to start pushing the revived Old school brands like Sorna and Enicar; trademarks that have been bought by the PLA and slapped on yet more Chinese watches.

  3. William Says:

    No offense, but…FUCK Jim “Cut some bacon off my back” Skelton and his hefty lamo’s. The watch geek convention was held in a fucking IHOP. He is a failure, SHOP failed by hiring him. Oh yeah, I was watching a video with Eyal saying “Invicta invented leather legarto straps, we hold the patent on them” I was like, the fucking lies just dont quit!!! These people need to be out of business.

  4. krane11367 Says:


    I love the way you always refer to Ames!

    Ames – the only department store that made Jamesway look like Nordstrom.

  5. Big P Says:

    This is some funny shit for sure.

    Next at slopnbc will be “old spice” watches, or how about nbc brings back “32 degrees”, okay, how about a new watch line from “hasbro” and “child guidance”.

    Ed Hardy watches, I know I have commented in prior posts, has got to be the barometer for cheese ass watches, just look how the hosts have to reeaacchh back in order to get remotely excited to sell these child like toy timepieces.

    And the representative of Ed Hardy watches, he looks like a mule and an anteater had a child, with the voice of wet sandpaper rubbing against puss pimples.

    ED HARDY WATCHES ARE PERFECT FOR NBC, shit on top of stinky fucking dinosaur shit!!!!!!!!

  6. Big P Says:

    Oh, by the freaking stinking way, what’s next?, OOOH OOOH I know, for every Ed “roast pork w/black bean sauce Hardy” watch you buy, you get a free Snuggie!

    Even better, take $30 off an Incrapta pro diver with the purchase of your Ed “you know this is” Hardly a watch!!

    Not good enough?, for every Ed “basted buttered ball sac’s make better bacon” Hardy watch you buy, Jim Skelton will personally fly to your home and mow your lawn and wash your car!!!




  7. LIES ALL LIES! Says:

    A fitting brand for Shop NBC. All the Chinese goodness, with the illusion it’s a classic European company with original designs made by little Swiss and German chocolateers.

    I would buy an Invicta again before one of these things.

  8. krane11367 Says:


    Ya got me. I have to agree – forced to make a choice, I’d take an Invicta over that Steinhausen stuff.

    Good lord, what did I just say!?!

  9. Big P Says:

    Invicta Sandstone Quality Pledge Part Deux

    “Here at Invicta, our president and ceo Eyal Lalo personally uses his very own testicle dandruff and sprinkles it on top of his cereal, as well as his man made sandstone dials”

    “At our far east rental factory, donkey and mouse droppings are also incorporated into our sandstone to give it that real zest, and freshly shit upon texture”

    “I personally plan to fuck my customers over royally, and use “marketing strategy”(lies), as my scapegoat, shhhhh don’t tell anybody”

    “My staff will only leave you on hold for an hour, and your repairs go overseas, to our very own Invicta sweat shop, where our sweat hogs, overseen by Mr. Kotter, try to fix your fake Swiss watches”

  10. Mr. Sicuro Says:

    I am Sicuro, master of the oceans, errr uhhhh, father of destiny and grayskull err uhh, awww fuck it.

    Along with your faux Swiss timepieces and glass diamonds, you can enjoy our Sicuro wall optional watch stand, just as long as you don’t lock it, sooooooo DONT FUCKING LOCK IT, or you’ll never get it open with the Sicuro key that’s provided.

    Sandstone, breakstone, there’s cottage cheese and tofu pops in their dials, MAN ALIVE!

    Look at Skelton’s jello neck, it glistens like a pig on a rotisserie spit.

    OOOPS, getting off track here, OK, with the Sicuro “12 coat polyurethane shilack guarantee”, you can’t go wrong with a Sicuro, REALLY FOLKS, you can’t go wrong.

    If you can say shim, and poplar, then you can say Sicuro, and at Sicuro, we are friends with that asshole who sells the russian divers in the fruity yellow plastic cases, as well with that “I got a cruller stuck in my goatee” Skelton, who put the “S” in snaggletooth!!

  11. LIES ALL LIES! Says:


    I KNEW IT! You were a closet Invicta fan! =P

    “Hi Jim! Hi Eyal! Krane here from Betterskills blog. I just wanted to call in and let you know I ❤ you guys. I have 40,000 Invictas, never a problem. In fact I ran to 7/11 to get my Rey Mysterio Slurpie cup to complete the entire WWE Slurpie cup collection and the clerk could not help but notice as he rotated the weinies my SAIII. He offered me carton of Kool's and a Big Bomb burrito for it on the spot but I passed. Thanks for being the Cheeto fix for my watch fetish. XOXOXOXOXOX Krane."

  12. Big P Says:

    Skelton says he can’t take it no more, he wants to come out of the “butt pirate” closet, he’s tired of looking at hard stiff shiny objects and getting excited.

    Skelton says he’s calling life long “super buddy” and soul mate Richard Simmons, to ask him for advice on male bonding.

    Jim loves Tony Little’s body by bison, and routinely jerks off on Tony’s buckwheat pillow, he says late at night he likes to moisturize.

    Jim is also singing backup vocals on Clay Aiken’s new hit song titled, “hairy fists up the hole”.

    Skelton will be on the next Oprah, where Jim reveals his fire island glory hole secrets.

    Jim is sick n tired of being that macho TV watch salesman, he no longer loves his watches, or his cars, all he wants is sausage, and lots of lube oil.

    Skelton was recently seen at a local German pub, fondling the schnitzel, and telling the waitresses he plans on slicing off his genitals and putting them on the grill.

    Ladies and gentlemen, what has become of our wondrous watch super hero?

  13. […] Even as a young kid, I had an aversion to multi-functions faking a chronograph’s funk.  Years later, I would find the Chinese manufacturer Millionsmart and could clearly see that this was nothing more than a $10.00 Canal Street special. Interesting that the other Cherman brand also bears a striking resemblance. […]

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