The Imperious Jailbreak: Worst Watch of 2010 or All Time?

December 9, 2010

AFTER months of hype and titillation by everyones favorite urbane fashionlessnista, Jim Skelton, the public finally got a glimpse of the much anticipated Invicta
Imperious Jail Bait Jail Break. After the abject failure of the initial InvictaImperious offer, the Gearhead, many wondered if the other proposed models would see the light of day. They have, and boy, are my eyes sore. It’s been speculated
that Mayor McCheesy is the designer behind this line and I have to say – a case could be made. They are obtuse and gaudy and lack any real balance or cohesion as a collection. The fuck is Eyal Laylo thinking to bankroll watches designed by a retail store manager?
Look at his image – I don’t think he could properly design a pile of dirt. Of the four models, the absolute worst of the bad bunch is the Jail Bait Jail Break. From the unaesthetic sideways dial layout that includes a labeled Date arrow
pointing to a nearly impenetrably opaque acrylic dial that obscures
the date wheel to the ridiculous, dare I say, laughable ‘prison’ bars, this thing is the most uninspired, cliche piece that the Invicta Watch Company has churned out yet. I thought Invicta
clearly crossed the taste line with the ARSEnal and the plate sized Sea Hunter, but at least those things still resemble legible timepieces. This thing is the horological equivalent to the Pontiac Aztek. It’s going to be real fun to see who gloats on the various
websites about buying one; more fun still to see actual wrist shots and imagine the chode walking around and flosing the wristshit at their local Walmart trying to impress chicks who are hanging around and waiting for their Valtrex prescriptions to be filed. I cannot wait to see the inital price and watching the trajectory as it bottoms out. That’s going to be some Must See TV. MY nine year old son likes mechanical and automatic watches, and I’ve assembled a nice little collection for him that includes a rose gold Sandoz and a Mil issue Hamilton from 1973. He likes to help me decide what watch I’m going to wear on the days I switch up, and you know –
he’s usually right on. So I asked for his impression. “What do you think of this watch?” “It’s hideous and disgusting – no real man should ever be caught wearing that thing! It’s
G-A-Y…” I gave him that disapproving look as I have a lot of lesbian friends and he acknowledged my grievance. So I offer a qualification and direction “Listen buddy, it’s so gay that gay
people are like – Jesus Christ, that thing is way too gay!”

15 Responses to “The Imperious Jailbreak: Worst Watch of 2010 or All Time?”

  1. krane11367 Says:

    The Ford Pinto
    New Coke
    The Tim Conway Show
    Microsoft Zune
    Crystal Pepsi
    Four Loco
    Commodore 64
    Web TV
    Imperious Jail Bait

  2. LIES ALL LIES! Says:

    Looks like an homage to the Foreman grill to me.

  3. badgeek Says:

    This Is a watch that only Jim Skelton could or would design. It Is beyond ugly,go’s much deeper than that Im afraid. Only the very core of his sad little fan base will wear this thing,maybe 20 groupies at best…..the humanity

  4. FernieBee Says:

    Jimbloat’s bowel movements are probably more bearable than this incarcerated piece of sh!t.

  5. Darksider Says:

    Jail would suit Skelton in my opinion. And Jimbo, I know you and your fanbois read this blog just as you lurk elsewhere, hiding in shadows. First Jaws claimed the watch would be called Jail Bait which exudes the kind of class a scumbag would have.

    Jail break, another failure of a watch in a failure of a watch brand, Imperious by a failure of a man. Perhaps he might want to pay Bruce and Lindsey some money instead of buying a third rate motorcycle.

    Soon they will be claiming the Imperious had “river Pearl” MOP from a really eco friendly lake in china…….

  6. Hal Says:

    I’d like to see that retard nycruza defend this atrocity!

  7. Fuzzy Wabbit Says:

    I’m betting those Tards, 50mmcan’tgetitUP, NYGheyCruza, BigPhoney, and Horseturd all get a free Promo JailBreak. Strange that all pictures and references have been scrubbed from Geeks site.

  8. betterskills Says:

    It’s easily found if one Googles ‘Imperious jail break’ ;D

  9. LOL..its funny reading all of you watchgeek ‘stalkers’ talk crap…As much as I hate Invicta/Imperious, I would rather wear one of those atrocities than be little whiny stalker bitch fucks like you; who seem to know EVERYTHING about watchgeeks, even though you claim to hate it. FUCKIN BITCHES.

  10. Puddintane Says:

    I’m betting these meat-beating watch nerds all sit around in their darkened living rooms jerking each other off as they watch Skelton and Elal Yellow (or whatever the fuck his name is) hawk their shitty watches on TV. Kum-bye-YA….let’s all circle jerk!!!!! LMAO

  11. stevie Says:

    Why do you have so much hate tword invicta Im very new to the watch world,but Its very clear you have a hate issue. You know hate can consume you like a canser. You sound bright and articulit. Why would you spend so much time on invicta?

  12. betterskills Says:

    Invicta is a lie built on a myth so why not let people know the truth? That’s not hate. That’s reality.

    And people seem to like it.

    There are a lot of other blogs about all kinds of different things if you go back into the history.

  13. pisano Says:

    I can’t stand Jim Skelton, rumor has it he’s burned a lot of people financially, a real scumbag.

  14. Anonymous Says:

    jail break watches will be a collectors watch in a few years

  15. Miles Says:

    Im not gonna preach any anit-hatred stoner douche bag bullshit but for christs sake its a watch. Theres a lot of much uglier watches. I think this watch is cool in a unique way. Its bety different and i think it has some desirable qualities, but everyone had there opinion.

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