Invicta Miniature Venom: Because the Full Size Just Isn’t Enough

March 8, 2013

BACK in the 90’s a trend exploded where women started collecting miniature shoes. They were scaled quarter sized replicas of high heels and flats. Most that I saw appeared to be injection molded. They were sold along with tiered display shelves and seemed just the right thing for a stay-at-home wife to waste her husband’s money on.

At the time I remember thinking, “Why in the fuck do you want a replica shoe; why not just buy an actual pair of shoes and wear them?” It just made no goddamned sense to me.

Soon, they started appearing in dollar stores as grotesque and poorly executed caricatures of the original miniature shoes. Sound famiar?

As the Internet was in its AOL infancy, I don’t think there was a big collector market and so assume at some point these things got boxed up and put in the attic next to the glass blown French poodle vases and giant wooden forks and spoons.

Miniature furniture soon followed. And to be honest, this made a bit more sense to me as these were icons of mid-century modern designs; like the Eames lounge and Noguchi coffee table in 1/3 scale. At least these were specific, identifiable things. Are there really iconic shoes?

ENTER 2013 and the brilliant minds at Invicta Watch Company and their soon to launch line of miniature watches:

20130308-063434.jpg

Yep.

Miniature watches.

The model that they are based on is the “Venom” which has a bunch of snake cues. I’m sure these will look bitchin’ staged next to the “pure oriental” Ninja sword sets of a Katana, Wakizashi and Tanto that Watchgeeks long ago bought from the late night, infomercial-as-homeshopping channel Frost Cutlery dicks.

But these may be purely functional for some. Seeing that so many Invicta fans have such chunky wrists, they seem to weigh in well over 400 lbs. These would be perfect rings on such a ham hand. If they are going to have to cut the wall out of your bedroom to get you to the hospital, you should be swagged out.

These would also be a great first watch for an infant. One would look hard as hell on a chubby newborns wrist; complemented by an Italian horn charm necklace. And how goddamned cute would it be if daddy and baby had matching Venoms?

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13 Responses to “Invicta Miniature Venom: Because the Full Size Just Isn’t Enough”

  1. Your A Faggit Says:

    Why dont u go a way? Every one hates you faggit. U must work for a competitirer. Of invicta. Like omega or rolex.

    I will bye everyone of these minature venums just to prove u wrong. Thay will b a big hit. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

  2. betterskills Says:

    At least you can spell ‘fuck’ right…

  3. Mr. Meatus Says:

    WOW!

    Finally some activity since you put the xmas tree away.

    Me and my friends love to watch all these mongoloids in action on the shop, they would sell blowfish sacs to their mothers if it had an Invicta tag on it.

    I wish all the Invicta lovers would film the very first time they looked at their collection when they finally realized they sunk thousands over time and got nothing for it, please post on youtube so us flies on the wall can see and mock you all.

    Miniature Venoms doesn’t surprise me, these people think every breath they take is special to begin with, so no, not surprised by the Mickey Mouse sized Chinese dung.

    What I can’t wait for is when the Shop and the Invicta reps peddle this stuff, I for one haven’t seen any yet, then again I wear real timepieces and have a life to boot.

    Mark my words, there will be an Invicta reality television show, probably on after Duck Dynasty, or one of the many reality shows that unfortunately clog our tv’s on a regular basis.

    I can see it now, Jill Sommerstien breaks a nail and yells “Oy Vey”, then she flips her hair and huffs n puffs till someone cares, then they film the designers kissing Abraham’s ass til the cows come home, then they show Mike Davis smoking crack to keep his weight down while he uses an Invicta tongue scraper for his narly breath, don’t look know but Kendy is on the Lalo cock, film it, put in on right after Amish Mafia.

    While were at it, film Tim Temple stroking his Oscar Meyer to the Disney channel in the green room, film Bob Bowersox cooking food that a chimp can easily make, great tv!

    Great idea, Invicta should make the following important items:

    Bibs, Napkins, Slat n Peppa shakers, Toothpicks, Shaving Cream, Nose Hair Trimmer, Handlebar Grips, Protein Shakes, Dentures, Hair Spray, Mattresses, Tablets, Ties and Totes.

    GET A LIFE AND BUY A REAL TIMEPIECE!!

  4. ChronoMATT Says:

    Invicter CEO, Oil Laylow, got the idear one night when slipping on a cockring. Now when he pops on a stealth Venom miniature, he can see if he lasts more than 2 minutes.

  5. Rusty Says:

    Based on the grotesquely over sized wrist turd original ,these seem normal in size. INVICTARDS get your credit cards!

  6. Krane11367 Says:

    What more can you expect from a company that brought you the Jason Taylor line; the first SW500 model that nobody on earh cared about, sold for only about twice what it was worth; “diamonds” that were crystals; “sandstone” that wasn’t; and the list goes on and on and on and on.

    As for Mr. Faggit: Hello, Larry! Still as informative as ever, ey, chicken boy?

  7. Watch Lords Says:

    Good read as always and right on point. These lemmings who need value pays and the continuing foddling of their testicles by each other deserve shit like this.

    A fake watch company, fake history, fake florida settings, fake navy seal and real felon and repeat offender as a front man.

  8. Grammy Lalo's Bearded Clam Says:

    Hello everyone! This is Grammy Lalo’s Bearded Clam here to set the record straight once and fer all.

    I will be on Acorn tv next Friday with Mr. Megan, please tune in cause I’m bringing my hairy pie.

    What’s summatter, you people don’t like little watches?

    There’s little vagina’s, little cocks, little nipples, so what’s wrong with little watches?

    Jealously is a powerful weapon, and it seems that you people don’t like my grandson’s watches, don’t be that way, once you take a lick of my anchovy casserole you’ll understand what I mean.

    Eyal made me a special Venom with beige diamonds and a black Onyx dial that looks like colored tin foil, betcha can’t tell the difference!

    Grammy out.

  9. Ima Midget Says:

    Boss…boss…the plane….the plane!

    Ohhh tattoo, that’s just Eyal in his yellow piper cub.

    Welcome to Invicta Fantasy Island!

    My new Jayson Taylor overpriced piece of crap just arrived, wow, now I can live the Invicta lifestyle too!

  10. Mr. Meatus Says:

    Okay, I’ve finally seen the Inivita minis.

    They are little itsy bitsy tincy wincy twenty something millimeter PIECES OF SHIT.

    Right betterskills?

    right tattoo? Oh wait, you didn’t post my buddies comments…surprising.

    😦

    No love for Fantasy Island, and no love for Claro-888 or val-swiss movements either!!

    This is just like chaos right Jill?

  11. Screaming For Vengeance Says:

    I’d like to chime in on this one.

    Anybody and I mean anybody that lives the Invicta lifestyle has just got to be very desperate and most likely really bored with their existence.

    Those miniature watches are just too funny, I wonder if Davis will call them “the hotness”

  12. Fishizzle Drizzle Says:

    Let me tell ya about the birds and the bee’s and the Pro Diver’s many fleas and the moon watch above…

    And a yellow box for a schmuck!

    *****************************************************************

    Love me tender, love my goo, always let Eyal blow, ohhh my Invicta I hate you, and I’ll always will.

    *****************************************************************

    C’mon knock on my door, Davis has been waiting for you, bring all of your liquor collection here and he’ll make you some stale Brunswick stew,

    Come take a shit on the floor, here’s a once only that’s new, beloved Invictards rejoice it’s their dumb choice so let them think their cool,

    You’ll see the masses wearing wrist clocks, laughing and pointing at you, down at 3069 Taft they screw, dumb customers approve!!

    *****************************************************************

    😀

  13. Jbn Says:

    I have owned quit if you Invictas. I maybe had quality issues with one I’ve had. I have owned invictas for a few years they lasted well. they look nice and they do with their supposed to do.yes they are not a Rolex yes they’re not Omega but why pay $3-$4000 for a watch when for about 200 bucks have a nice goodlooking watch that actually has good quality to it. I’ll like all watches I buy Invicta for what they are ., a decent watch for a decent price. I own about 20 of them and they’re very good watches. The most I ever had to do was change a battery on 2 of them and moisture got into a dial which once I had fixed never showed.


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